


it was all light

by arielmagicesi



Series: Pynch week prompts 2016 [4]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, First Kiss, Getting Together, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Blue Lily Lily Blue, Pre-The Raven King, possibly too sappy sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-08-17
Packaged: 2018-08-09 07:22:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7792156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arielmagicesi/pseuds/arielmagicesi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ronan sounded like he’d used up all the genuine emotions he had left in him, so now he was silent.<br/>Finally, Adam said, “OK, that’s… I mean… OK.”<br/>Fuck. He was in too deep. This felt different, like he sometimes felt at the Barns when they were trying to wake up the animals, or when they were in the car alone together for too long.<br/>Something different from attraction. Soft and strange and unfamiliar.</p><p>(Pynch week, day 4, prompt: "Try me.")</p>
            </blockquote>





	it was all light

Cabeswater was tired tonight. Adam was always tired, but he summoned enough strength to listen to what it wanted. Luckily, the bit of the ley line it needed fixed was only a short drive away, in some odd dusty field behind a side-street, and Adam liked the quiet and cold of the night as he dug out the rock that was obstructing the line. Then there was that comforting _right_ feeling, as the line straightened out and shivered back into its rush of energy.

Adam let out a breath.

As he drove back to St. Agnes, he thought about everything that had happened last week- Jesse Dittley’s death, that cave of skeletons waking, the Greenmantles.

He tried not to think about Persephone.

Something was starting. Or rather, something was finishing. There was a bit of quiet now, but there was no way it was going to last.

Cabeswater was worried, he could feel it.

Adam pulled into the St. Agnes parking lot. It was almost midnight, so he was surprised to see another car there, then less surprised when he realized whose car it was.

His shoulders relaxed. He hadn’t even realized they were tense, but he hadn’t been looking forward to spending the night alone in his tiny apartment.

He wondered if Ronan had some sort of psychic ability to realize what it was that Adam needed at any given moment, like maybe Cabeswater had nudged his dreams and told him, _hey, the magician’s feeling lonely._

Or possibly this was just another result of Ronan’s constant observations.

Ronan was curled over himself, standing at the top of the stairs. He jumped a little at the sound of Adam climbing the staircase.

“Uh, hey, Parrish,” he said. “Mind if I stay over?”

“Sure,” Adam said, pulling out his keys to unlock the door.

This was habit by now.

Ronan threw himself onto the end of the bed, head against the wall. “You got any homework or whatever?” he asked.

Adam cocked his head and raised his eyebrows.

“You’re in the same classes as me,” he said.

“You know damn well I don’t give a shit about homework.”

“Fair,” Adam said, because he did know that, and he pulled his history textbook out of his backpack and set it on his desk, sitting down at the desk chair. “I only have a few more pages to outline. You can sleep or whatever if you want.”

“Dude, you actually do those fucking outlines? You know he doesn’t check them.”

Adam’s eyes narrowed.

“It actually helps to do the reading,” he said, “because then I know what I’m talking about on the damn tests. You would know that if you cared about your grades at all.”

“Well, I don’t, so there you go.”

Ronan crossed his arms and closed his eyes. Adam sighed, suddenly irritated, and opened his textbook to work on the outline.

Near the end of the outline, he felt more than saw Ronan looking at him. He wasn’t being very subtle about it. Adam wondered if he’d stopped trying to hide it.

“What?” Adam asked, looking back.

There was an odd thrill under his skin from Ronan’s gaze. Something near-electric, like the power of the ley line.

It was getting more difficult to ignore this, but he had to, he had to, he had to. This couldn’t lead anywhere good. They were like oil and water. Like gasoline and a match, and if Adam lit himself, he could only cause destruction.

Ronan said, “You should sleep more.”

Adam gritted his teeth. “You’re one to talk.”

Then he added, “Don’t you think I wish I could sleep more, asshole?”

“I didn’t fucking mean, you _have_ to sleep more,” Ronan said. Now he was staring straight ahead, avoiding Adam’s gaze. “I just mean you could use more sleep.”

“Great observation,” Adam said sarcastically, looking back at his textbook, and wondering why he’d been relieved at the thought of Ronan staying over.

“Whatever,” Ronan muttered.

He sounded annoyed now- like he had any right to be annoyed, bringing up the fact that Adam didn’t get enough sleep, as if Adam had any control over it. It was too late to fight, but now it was itching at Adam, so Adam turned back to him and said, “Why did you even bring it up?”

“Jesus,” Ronan said, looking back at him. “Because you’re doing this fucking outline when you know all the fucking shit in history anyway, you’re always raising your hand in class, you obviously fucking know everything.”

“How do you think I get to ‘know everything’, Ronan? I read the goddamn textbook.”

“You don’t even like history! I’m not saying you can’t read the textbook or whatever the fuck, but you could let up a little on it sometimes. You’re not gonna get a bad fucking grade if you skip the outline one time.”

“Easy for you to say, you don’t give a shit about grades.”

“For fuck’s sake. Forget it.”

Adam let out a simmering breath, then said, “I have to do everything a hundred percent. You fucking know that. I don’t have another option.”

Ronan didn’t answer, and Adam didn’t feel like kicking him out, so he just turned back to his textbook.

Then Ronan said, quietly, “I do know that. I was just trying to say that you’re doing good enough already. I know all that shit, that you have to do better than everyone else and whatever. I’m just saying… you’re good enough anyway.”

Adam couldn’t look up from his textbook. He wasn’t reading his textbook. He couldn’t even see the words or the pages or the wood of his desk.

Ronan sounded like he’d used up all the genuine emotions he had left in him, so now he was silent.

Finally, Adam said, “OK, that’s… I mean… OK.”

Fuck. He was in too deep. This felt different, like he sometimes felt at the Barns when they were trying to wake up the animals, or when they were in the car alone together for too long.

Something different from attraction. Soft and strange and unfamiliar.

It didn’t leave his gut until he was in bed, trying to fall asleep, only barely hearing the thud of shitty EDM leaking from Ronan’s headphones from the floor.

Then something else pooled in his gut- the same emptiness that always came at night.

_Don’t think about it don’t think about it don’t think about it-_

“Parrish?”

Ronan’s voice was gentle, and Adam realized that he’d involuntarily let out a breath that was halfway to crying.

“What?” he asked, trying to make his voice harsh. He was facing the wall, away from Ronan.

“You OK?”

He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t talk to someone else- he didn’t _want_ to talk about it-

“You don’t want to hear about it.”

There was more quiet. The noise from the headphones was louder- Ronan must have taken them off.

Then Ronan said, “Try me.”

Adam turned over, so they were facing each other. The mattress was barely off the floor- they were close.

One half of it was scary, the other half wasn’t so much.

“I was just thinking about Persephone,” he said in a quiet rush. “That’s all. It’s still- I still-”

“I know,” Ronan said.

His eyes were calm and understanding. Adam stared into them.

There wasn’t much to talk about- just an awful, twisting ache. Persephone, who’d been so kind, who’d taught him, led him- who’d told him, that day in the fields when he’d thought he was nothing without Cabeswater, that he was _not nothing_ -

Adam bit his lip and closed his eyes.

Ronan said again, “I know,” and then set a hand on top of Adam’s, at the edge of the mattress.

Adam breathed in and out until he could breathe in and out again.

He _was_ really tired.

And Ronan’s hand on his was warm and almost unbearably soft, the exact sensation of sleep.

 

They weren’t still holding hands when Ronan woke up. He was grateful for that- he wasn’t sure how he would have been able to bear taking his hand out of Adam’s consciously.

He got up, grabbing his headphones off the floor, and released a breath.

Christ. This was too fucking much.

It wasn’t that he hadn’t stayed over before- he had- or that he’d never felt what it was to touch Adam’s hands- he had- but God. Something was unraveling between them and he didn’t know how to handle it.

He was so afraid of doing something wrong.

Carefully, quietly, not wanting to disturb any precious minutes of Adam’s sleep, he let himself out of the apartment and down the stairs. The sun was already up, even this early- there was still an hour and a half until the Aglionby school day started. Adam wouldn’t be awake for another half hour, at least, according to his alarm.

The St. Agnes parking lot was still empty except for their two cars. Ronan liked the way the early-morning sun glinted off of cars. Something about it was holy to him.

He stood there, admiring the sunlight on the BMW, for probably too long, because before he knew it a voice behind was saying, “What the fuck are you doing, Lynch?”

Ronan turned. Adam’s head poked out of the door. He wasn’t dressed for school yet- still wearing the sweatpants and T-shirt he’d worn to bed, with a pair of ratty shoes on his feet. His hair had golden edges to it in the sunlight, and Ronan was nearly mesmerized.

“Looking at my car,” Ronan said truthfully.

Adam laughed, an uninhibited sound this early.

Yeah, there was definitely something holy about early morning sunlight.

Adam walked out the door, over the short distance to where the BMW was parked and Ronan was standing. They stood there for a bit, not speaking.

“Are you coming to school today?” Adam asked.

“Nah,” Ronan said.

“Are you gonna quit?”

This was a little out of nowhere. Then again, Ronan figured that he might as well tell someone about it, and apparently he and Adam were capable of having serious conversations, if the previous night was any indicator.

“Yeah,” he said. “I looked up how to leave the school, and I found some forms. Gansey’s not gonna be happy, but I can’t do this anymore.”

Adam nodded, an understanding nod, and a knot untangled somewhere in Ronan.

“You’re being honest,” Adam said. “Honest to yourself.”

“Yeah,” Ronan said.

Adam was looking at him. That look was going to kill Ronan, he knew it, that genuine, open, soft blue-eyed look-

“I should be honest, too,” Adam said, and then without any other warning, he was leaning upwards, towards Ronan, and Ronan couldn’t breathe.

He’d known something had changed between them, that it was possible Adam felt the same way, but he hadn’t expected-

“Is this OK?” Adam asked softly, when they were inches apart and Adam’s hand had reached up to touch Ronan’s cheek.

“Yeah,” Ronan breathed.

Adam kissed him.

Ronan had never experienced anything he could compare to this. Maybe just light. It was all light- stained glass light on Sunday mornings in church, dawn breaking over fields of wheat at the Barns, or even just this early-morning sunlight in the St. Agnes parking lot.

This kiss was light.

When Adam leaned back, it took a moment for Ronan to open his eyes. Adam was smiling up at him, a quiet smile, and Ronan had to catch his breath.

Then he noticed the leaves.

Green leaves, which shouldn’t have been this green this late in October. And petals- soft pink petals, all of them falling from no discernible source, gathering around their feet.

“What the fuck, Parrish?” he asked, still unable to stop smiling.

“Oh,” Adam said, glancing around. “Cabeswater. It does this shit sometimes.”

Ronan smiled wider. Adam’s cheeks were a little pink, and he looked from below his eyelashes back up at Ronan.

“Magician,” Ronan said, and then leaned in to kiss Adam again.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! I wanted to do a post-BLLB, pre-TRK getting together fic for one of the prompts this week. I'm bad at writing these two without them being Unbearably Sappy so... sorry about that.   
> I'm on Tumblr at arielmagicesi and on Twitter at @ArielKalati if you want to talk to me there.


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